The Anesthetized Soul
“Breathe deep and count backwards from ten… nine… eight.” Blackness becomes Nothingness. “Your surgery went fine, sir” the doctor’s voice says reassuringly. Between eight and now, nothing remains.
I am disjointed, disconcerted, disconnected. If all is fine, then why do I feel so… lost? Even three months following the procedure, I feel like a ghost walking this earth. Suddenly in my life anxiety and depression creep up and overwhelm me, like muggers in the night. What is happening to me?
Has this ever been your experience following anesthesia for a medical procedure? Have you been haunted with a sense that something is missing in your life – a certain vigor, vitality, enthusiasm, and engagement of life – a vague ‘something’ that you can’t quite put your finger on? Are you finding that in your dreams you awaken in a place of darkness, of nothingness, with a sense of foreboding that you are cut off from the Light and Love?
Perhaps you have lost your Soul.
Anesthesia is a modern medical miracle that enables deep body surgeries necessary to keep one alive. But it is not without consequence, spiritually. Our Soul perceives and engages the world through the senses. When the sensate perceptual capabilities are shut down, as they are during anesthesia, the Soul has no means with which to engage the worldly realm. The Soul is, in essence, severed from our Consciousness. The silver thread that normally connects the Soul, even while it is in seclusion and isolation – as is the case during a loss of Soul due to trauma – is no longer present during a Soul loss due to anesthesia. The Soul has become rent and riven of its tether. During a typical Soul loss the Soul retreats into the dream realm to a place symbolic of safety and seclusion. When the silver thread is shorn of Consciousness, there is no ‘there’ for the Soul to retreat to. It has been sloughed off into the Nothingness.
When the Soul has slipped into the Nothingness we have a vague sense of unease, even of terror, yet it is nothing we can put a finger on. This is because the Soul is no longer woven into our Consciousness and so we do not have a direct experience of its state and condition any longer. However, our consciousness is like a larger array of tuning forks that resonate with the frequencies of the multitude of parts of our sensory apparatus: body, mind, emotions, Soul and Spirit. Our Consciousness is receiving signals from the Soul, empathetically, even though it no longer has direct connection. Consciousness, in seeking to make sense of those signals, forms a representation of the condition of the Soul. These impressions are then experienced by the other sensory receptors, and translate the perceptions into experience. Those experiences tell of the perceived state of the Soul, that is, of the Soul’s disconnection and separation from the Light and Love, and interpret this as an appropriate response, ie, that of terror and a feeling of eternal severance from Source.
In the case of a typical Soul loss, where the silver thread is still connecting the Soul and Consciousness, it only requires that the Shaman is able to follow the thread from Body/Mind Consciousness to the location of the Soul, then to perform the Soul Retrieval, reintegrating Soul with Consciousness. In the situation where the Soul has become severed from Consciousness as a consequence of the person having been anesthetized, there is no thread to follow. All we have to work with is the empathetic resonance between Soul and Consciousness. This is akin to a deep sea rescue of a diver who has no tether and is no longer breathing and so has no bubbles to disclose their location. All we know is that the diver is in the vastness of the deep sea beneath.
It is incumbent upon the Shaman to be so aware and woven into the Tapestry of Creation that any wrinkle or abnormality in its fabric is experienced intimately. The Shaman, in that embrace of the Totality-of-All-Being, still cannot identify the location of the lost Soul, as it has no reference of ‘where’ and ‘there’ in the Nothingness. However, the Shaman is able, in that state, to know that a Soul is negated from existence. The shadow signature of its resonant passage remains. By locating the shadow we are able to find that which cast the shadow – the Soul.
As Consciousness is obliterated in the thrall of the Nothingness, the Shaman cannot enter the Nothingness with Consciousness engaged. However, Awareness (the faculty of perception of the Spirit) is not dissolvable, cannot be broken nor damaged. To enter the Nothingness with Awareness fully intact is the only available option, as Awareness experiences only the Is-ness, and is non-reactive to whatever it encounters.
In this manner the Shaman is able to enter the Nothingness, embrace the Soul, severed from Consciousness due to the effects of anesthesia, and swim back to the surface from out of the depths, and return the Soul back into conscious embodied presence.
©2022 Jade Grigori
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